1) People asking you for money. There was a time in my life that I gave out change to just about anyone that asked for it. Even if it didn't look like they needed it, I still felt compelled to help them out, because, be it due to naivete, gullibility, or stupidity, I believed that they wouldn't be asking for money unless they really needed it. I mean, there's a certain element of pride that comes into play, right? Time was that a man would sooner fall on his own sword than be dishonored by begging. Now, I don't necessarily condone suicide upon financial misfortune, but when it comes to myself, I would have to be in a really desperate place before I would ask for anything, be it from family or stranger.
Regardless, several years spent living in Baltimore has cured me of the compulsion to give money to everyone that asks for it. Granted, there have been several occasions where I have given a couple bucks to someone who obviously needed it (or they were just exceptionally good actors), and most of the rest I just turn away with a "Sorry." (And I should mention here that this really pisses me off, too. Why do I feel compelled to apologize? What social norm dictates that I should feel guilty about not giving up my hard earned money to someone simply because they asked for it?) Anyway, I've gotten over my urge to give money away, and so most of the time I deal with the constant questioning (seriously, it's constant...at least 4 or 5 times a day) and just dismiss it as an unavoidable accompaniment to life in a ridiculously poor city. But every now and then I encounter someone asking for change that is just so brazenly and callously bold that it literally makes me hyperventilate, and the man who approached me last night currently holds the title for the worst one yet. I was pumping gas (11:30pm in Baltimore, so I'm super-wary of anyone approaching me, especially at a gas station) as this man saunters over to me and says "Yo, my man, you gots any change?" Now, seeing as how I have an intense aversion to being stabbed, I went with my standard "Sorry, man. All out." He shrugs, and walks away. Realizing that I'm not going to be mugged, my blood begins to boil, for reasons outlined here: He was wearing designer sneakers, designer jeans, a leather jacket, and a perfectly clean white flat-brim Yankees cap. And he was tearing the wrapper off a fresh pack of cigarettes. Clearly this guy needed some change. As this fucktard was walking away, I found myself wanting to run after him and ask him how he slept at night, or how it feels to be completely devoid of purpose and have no aspiration in life other than being the biggest fucking douchebag possible. But again, seeing as how I like not being stabbed, I let him go. But every day I spend in this city I find myself inching closer to that holy grail of public freakouts, "Yes, I do have some change. I have plenty of change. And you're not getting any of it. So you can probably just go fuck yourself." And I think the next guy that pulls something like this might be the winner.
2) Email forwards. Seriously? Do you really think I need to see the dudes with 8 billion piercings? Is it imperative that I'm aware of every cute thing that a kitten can do with a ribbon and a basket? Will my life be only half-lived if I don't witness your friend's lame band on a shitty youtube video? And moreover, what could possibly be going on in your head that you think you should send this shit to people you work with? Will they think you're cool? "Wow! Thank you so much, XXXXX, for that awesome slide show of freak show tattoos that you sent me at lunch. I especially appreciated the fact that it was labeled as a generic PowerPoint presentation, so I could open it up during a work meeting! All of my coworkers and their customers got a huge kick out of that guy with the ejaculating penis tattooed on his arm. You stupid cock." Let it be known that unless express permission is obtained prior to the actual event, any unsolicited email forwarding to me will result in instant termination of our association, as well as a specially trained pack of ass-rape dogs being dispatched to your place of residence post-haste.
3) Gas is mad expensive. It cost me $56 to fill up last night, which kind of blows. But, personal finances aside, I'm actually pretty happy about the increasing cost of transportation. Hopefully it will finally motivate people (both the private sector and the goddamn government) to begin some serious research into alternative and sustainable sources of energy. This research has largely been stymied by an abundance of cheap oil, and now that the price is going up, maybe people will realize that alternatives are desperately needed. And don't go spouting that shit about how 'ethanol is the future' and blah blah bullshit. Ethanol is a copout and a weak attempt at sustainability, nothing more. And if you think otherwise, you're an idiot.
While I don't expect that major change will begin to take place until gas hits $4/gallon (which it's looking like it might do this summer!), I still think this is the start of a good trend. Plus, it comes with the added bonus of getting to watch all those small-dicked, inconsiderate, overcompensating, turdjockeys who roll around in Hummers and Escalades having to sell their whips to buy Civics. Ha!
UPDATE:
Here is an interesting article about how much petroleum is actually required to produce the plastic bags and bottles our nation loves so well. Here's a hint: it's a lot. 17.6 million barrels per year a lot. Get a
Sigg already.
UPDATE x2:
A great article by Time magazine that discusses some of the unseen economic and ecological costs of biofuels, as well as the toll that biofuel production is taking on the Amazon. Long, but a very worthwhile read.
